plot-elements-old2.json

{
  "murdered_person": [
    "A person who has conversations between their Twitter alts",
    "A failed TV writer turned transphobe",
    "A polyamorous tantric sex guru",
    "An author of gothic fiction",
    "A former Prime Minister",
    "A so-called comedian who thinks blackface was once funny and acceptable",
    "A self-described “fair and balanced citizen”",
    "A former male porn star who's fallen on hard times",
    "The local artist, who lives a secret life as a Twitter troll,",
    "A morally bankrupt financial planner",
    "A grammatosimophobic philatelist",
    "A Michelin chef who hates truffles",
    "A new-weird novelist",
    "An anti-masker",
    "A not-so-Ok boomer",
    "A Welsh-Kiwi translator of Japanese",
    "A cynical mononymous tech journalist",
    "A mesmerising misanthrope",
    "A one-armed hot tar roofer",
    "A big cucumber fan",
    "A home baker",
    "Florida man",
    "A manure venture capitalist",
    "A seller of 100% organic clarinet reeds",
    "A petunia-growing horticulturalist",
    "The local Karen",
    "A social distancer",
    "A horse podcaster",
    "A huge fan of pineapple on pizza",
    "An unhygienic soap maker",
    "A barbaric hunter of caffeine and pastries",
    "An undecided quantum information theorist",   
    "A former Dr Who actor",
    "A sad Joy Division fan",
    "An orange-haired idiot",
    "A ballroom dance instructor", 
    "An ambidextrous percussionist",
    "A despotic archaeologist",
    "An empathic microbiologist",
    "A mysophobic epidemiologist",
    "An undercover archdruid",
    "A sinophile information superhighway exponent",
    "A #NotAllMen mansplainer",
    "A one-armed arms dealer",
    "A local bee keeper",
    "A sexually-frustrated Tory",
    "A software developer who deploys changes on a Friday",
    "An undernourished locavore",
    "A mute castrato",
    "An Instagram influencer",
    "Westminster’s sole intellectual",
    "A person wearing druid robes",
    "An idosyncratic pop star",
    "A fractious family",
    "A retired astronaut",
    "A person who DMs incest porn to Twitter bots",
    "A fan of cream eggs",
    "A local plebeian",
    "An upstart adjunct American instructor",
    "Causton’s only Shaolin monk",
    "The stag in Badger’s Drift Mummers",
    "A trans-exclusionary radical feminist",
    "A bewellingtoned server farmer",
    "An old flame of Barnaby’s wife",
    "A former supermodel turned antivaxxer",
    "A local minister",
    "A woebegone lexicographer",
    "A candid globalist",
    "A secretarial student",
    "A local yacht club member",
    "A local DJ",
    "A visiting alcoholic sommelier",
    "A reclusive Russian gentleman",
    "A person who tweets about this bot",
    "An amiable old timer",
    "A young entrepreneur with unfathomable insight",
    "A cocaine-addicted former antivirus software maker",
    "A cryptocurrency startup founder",
    "A poor county employee",
    "Norm, a couch potato,",
    "The village thurifer",
    "A detective from a neighbouring county",
    "A socially-inept Twitter bot developer",
    "A visiting Toby Jug provenance evaluator",
    "A tabletop gamer",
    "Dave, a pigeon enthusiast,",
    "A Casualty actor",
    "The town’s cantankerous children’s party planner",
    "A local archaeologist",
    "An overwrought iron distributor",
    "The village’s bespectacled creationist",
    "The disinherited son of a Marquess",
    "A wildlife reserve volunteer",
    "The village ne’er-do-well",
    "A celebrity vicar",
    "A #QAnon conspiracy theorist",
    "A local agricultural tourism entrepreneur",
    "A working-class welder",
    "The local bricklayer",
    "An organist who’d pulled out all the stops",
    "A betweeded film devotee",
    "Barnaby’s late uncle’s mistress’s husband",
    "A b-list character actor",
    "A chilled out yoga instructor",
    "An unused stuntman from The Lord of the Rings trilogy",
    "A vertically challenged skyscraper architect",
    "Someone who thinks these are actual TV episode plots",
    "A person who takes Midsomer Murders too seriously",
    "A lover of the sea",
    "A sulphur-crested cockatoo impersonator",
    "An infamous chanteuse",
    "An elderly Batman fan",
    "An antique dealer",
    "A large Great Dane",
    "A Marx-quoting capitalist",
    "A keen-eyed lapidarist",
    "A pornography baron",
    "A royal nonce",
    "A misogynist psychology professor",
    "An entirely forgettable sociology professor",
    "A retired computer game pundit",
    "An elderly bearded, vegetarian manhole collector",
    "A corduroy-wearing academic",
    "A seditious Marxist",
    "A digital content person",
    "A retired American woman",
    "A neurotic Jungian",
    "A realistic Hegelian",
    "A local millionaire software developer",
    "A famous werewolf actor",
    "An insufferable clothing-clerk",
    "A Caroline Graham fan",
    "An overworked psychologist",
    "A lonely librarian",
    "An underappreciated archivist",
    "A meteorologist, who’d been feeling a bit under the weather of late,",
    "A local historian",
    "A Blairite with long term memory loss",
    "An Australian historian of the Scots",
    "The Lord of Dixton and Dumbleton",
    "A local cider maker",
    "A local linguist",
    "The local stranger",
    "A star cricketer",
    "A prolifically promiscuous plumber",
    "A troubled solicitor",
    "A controversial barrister",
    "The local time-poor bespoke clockmaker",
    "The village’s easily-enraged psychologist",
    "An aspiring novelist",
    "A local unpopular businessman",
    "A local sculptor",
    "A local forest ranger",
    "A recovering cheese addict",
    "A woolly liberal-type clergyman",
    "A hyperactive barista",
    "A geeky soprano singer",
    "A cynophobic postman",
    "A ladies' man",
    "The manager of a nazi-tolerating social media company",
    "A model airplane hobbyist",
    "The village bovine inseminator",
    "A local arsonist",
    "An eccentric pensioner",
    "A harmless kook",
    "A secretarial student",
    "An unpopular fitter",
    "A young boy",
    "The second reviewer of a philosophy paper",
    "A local homeopath",
    "A celebrity atheist",
    "The village’s intemperate Buddhist",
    "The village rascal",
    "A local eccentric Shakespearian actor",
    "A local owl breeder",
    "A dystychiphobic cyclist",
    "An immunocompromised virologist",
    "A vestiphobic tailor",
    "A local hermit with a dark secret",
    "A local miller",
    "A local yokel",
    "A prominent nuclear physicist",
    "A local bell ringer",
    "A local critic of contemporary architecture",
    "A local poacher",
    "A local uncompromising environmentalist",
    "A local inexplicably celebrated poet",
    "A René Artois lookalike",
    "A local mayor",
    "A renowned lepidopterist",
    "An embattled councillor",
    "The squire and the parson",
    "A local spinster",
    "A high flying airline pilot",
    "A misunderstood Scottish flight attendant",
    "A mean statistician",
    "A tychophobic statistician",
    "A grower of trophy-sized onions",
    "A headstone inscriber",
    "An orphaned genealogist",
    "A Boris Johnson impersonator",
    "A teapot collector",
    "A recently unemployed employment agent",
    "An unpaid intern at a funeral home",
    "A pavement chalk artist who's great at body outlines",
    "A 60 year old woman dressed as Olaf the snowman",
    "A Rumba ballroom dancer",
    "A medieval-sword-fighting-enthusiast philosopher",
    "A geneticist",
    "A wedding ring collector",
    "A local bandoneón player",
    "A local mushroom hunter",
    "A popular marine biologist",
    "An ancient mariner",
    "A local pigeon enthusiast",
    "The local magistrate",
    "A violinist who loves playing in B♭ harmonic minor",
    "A short-statured 山水盆景 fan",
    "The vice-chair of the Barossa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon Appreciation Society",
    "A local rose hybrid creator",
    "A local antiquarian book dealer",
    "A local badger whisperer",
    "A local fencing instructor",
    "A roller skiing fanatic",
    "A local violin maestro",
    "A celebrated cellist",
    "A local jam magnate",
    "A local candle maker",
    "A local barber (who’s a cut above the rest)",
    "A local hedgehog rescue activist",
    "A local travel writer",
    "A local busybody",
    "A local landlady",
    "A local bagpiper",
    "A local thatcher",
    "The local piano tuner, who’d been feeling a bit flat lately,",
    "An Ethereum cat fancier",
    "The master of the local Freemasons lodge",
    "A former journalist",
    "A local undertaker",
    "A banjo-playing philosopher",
    "An unexpected visitor",
    "A local narrator",
    "The local viscount",
    "A local astronomer",
    "A local computer programmer"
  ],
  "cause_of_death": [
    "hung from a bridge over troubled water",
    "21 grams lighter",
    "eviscerated with a bronze-age sword",
    "burnt at the stake",
    "cooked in the glasshouse",
    "dead, after a Gwyneth-Paltrow-vagina-scented candle exploded",
    "dead following a heated parish council meeting",
    "with the pear of anguish still buried in the body",
    "more lifeless than MySpace",
    "amputated, John Bobbitt style",
    "strangled with a well-starched shirt",
    "dead at the hands of clerks",
    "sliced into small pieces with a jigsaw",
    "dead and covered with blue paint during a gender reveal party",
    "entombed in a statue",
    "with a gunshot wound on Porlock Hill",
    "murdered in a rural slurry tank, dead by way of concrete overcoat",
    "hanging from a church weathercock",
    "dragged out to sea by mermaids and drowned",
    "dead inside a washing machine",
    "drowned in Causton’s public toilets",
    "scrambled in a large bowl of eggs",
    "buried in a Ziggurat of 1970s Danish porn magazines",
    "written about in a dull Telegraph obituary",
    "crushed up in a glass recycling centre",
    "dead in a manner inspired by The Bill",
    "executed by Catherine wheel",
    "crucified",
    "slain in a baroque fashion",
    "murdered in a manner inspired by @DeathMedieval",
    "steamed to death",
    "eaten by cats",
    "4 years after being deliberately infected wth bovine spongiform encephalopathy",
    "dead from government austerity measures",
    "starved to death following a no-deal Brexit",
    "fallen cold and dead",
    "cancelled",
    "frozen in a river",
    "guillotined",
    "infected by a novel coronavirus",
    "waterboarded to death",
    "driven to suicide",
    "kil’d by several ‘accidents’",
    "dead in the street, and starved",
    "executed, and prest to death",
    "obeying the second law of thermodynamics",
    "chewed up with a pair of false teeth",
    "cremated and the ashes mixed into a Christmas pudding",
    "dead inside a cheese vending machine",
    "squashed to death by an absolute unit",
    "dead in a Judas chair",
    "killed by a pesticide approved for use by the Trump administration",
    "poisoned by E. coli from unwashed Romaine lettuce",
    "electrocuted by a model train set",
    "bluer than a blue screen of death",
    "thrown out of a double decker bus",
    "crushed by an elephant",
    "murdered live on Zoom®",
    "crushed by gym equipment",
    "punched into coin-shaped pieces with a blanking press",
    "burnt to death in a molybdomancy ‘accident’",
    "buried alive",
    "dead following a sword duel",
    "irradiated to death in a medical linear accelerator",
    "keelhaulhed",
    "immured",
    "gibbeted",
    "drowned in milkshakes",
    "bloated in the river",
    "with the carotid artery slit with a hori-hori",
    "deliberately infected with SARS-CoV-2",
    "boiled alive in an over-sized cup of tea",
    "hanging from the topmost rafter",
    "with the blood drained and placed in milk bottles",
    "antlered by a red stag",
    "poisoned by substance 33",
    "blood eagled",
    "gored by a bull",
    "shoved off of a bell tower",
    "tapped on the shoulder by Death HIMSELF",
    "dead in the old cathedral",
    "suffocated with CO2 meant for the latest sparkling vintage",
    "pushed inside an iron bull statue and then cooked alive after a fire is lit under it",
    "disposed of with a VitaMix",
    "dead from a blow from the final hammerschlag in Mahler’s 6th",
    "flayed to death",
    "crushed in a giant-sized garlic press",
    "brutally contorted by spoon bending abilities used for evil",
    "oozing out of a cash dispenser",
    "with a tent peg driven through the head (Judges 4:17-21)",
    "in a manner inspired by the notorious serial killers card game",
    "tied to the mouth of a cannon, which was then fired",
    "drowned inside a lobster trap",
    "with their last screams recorded by Alexa",
    "choked to death with their phone",
    "drowned in a well",
    "electrocuted by a roulette wheel that had been tampered with",
    "thrown from Arthur’s Seat",
    "drowned in a bathtub of cheap Aldi champagne",
    "garrotted on an ancient pagan altar",
    "with sprigs of parsely, sage, rosemary and thyme placed delicately on the dead body",
    "by a pack of foxhounds face down in a shallow puddle",
    "with the head inside a beige Land Rover and the body in a garden pond",
    "crushed in a wine press",
    "deprived of caffeine",
    "minced into a madras",
    "flattened by a giant toadstool",
    "decapitated with a silver dessert spoon",
    "entombed in a slice of giant laverbread",
    "preserved in a vat of mango pickle",
    "with a piece of broken teapot penetrating the throat",
    "on a spike in the middle of Causton",
    "with 27 ice-picks buried in the body",
    "dead from horrendous Twitter burns",
    "starstruck",
    "contemplating their mortality in a literal sense",
    "upended in a bucket of stew",
    "with a three inches square piece of tripe blocking the wind-pipe",
    "dead aboard the LNER Class A3 No. 4472 steam locomotive",
    "skinned alive using a potato peeler",
    "dead in an iron maiden",
    "locked in a freezer",
    "with an arrow through the eye which reached even into the brain",
    "poisoned with orange tanning chemicals",
    "as human bones for sale on Amazon.com",
    "as a skeleton chained to Twitter HQ",
    "painfully sliced up by a knife disguised as a baguette",
    "with assorted flowers growing from the stomach",
    "with the blood drained and packaged in whisky pods",
    "with the skin stripped and turned into a book cover",
    "sliced thinly into a new set of bathroom tiles",
    "murdered by an invisible hand",
    "strangled with piano wire",
    "fallen into a trapdoor",
    "mauled by a rabid badger",
    "drowned in a vat of custard",
    "eaten by one of the nine species of shark that can walk across land",
    "nailed to the church altar",
    "with a hundred razor sharp darning needles sticking out of the body",
    "with the brachial artery severed by a sharpened piece of obsidian",
    "warped into strange proportions by an image processing algorithm",
    "burst open, crushed between movable shelving",
    "poisoned with 2α,13α-diacetoxy-7β,10β-dihydroxy-9-oxo-2(3→20)-abeotaxa-4(20),11-dien-5α-yl (2R,3S)-3-(dimethylamino)-2-hydroxy-3-phenylpropanoate",
    "cut into 2 inch cubes with a Lord of the Rings replica axe",
    "as the victim of a backyard laboratory CRISPR experiment gone wrong",
    "hanged, drawn and quartered",
    "dead following experimental eye surgery",
    "electrocuted on a model railway",
    "tortured to death with Beethoven’s 9th Symphony (Op. 125)",
    "dismembered then fed to sacred vultures",
    "impaled on a 50 ft stake",
    "dead on a mountain of fried potato",
    "quilled to death",
    "with the skin stripped from the genitals using a potato peeler",
    "strangled with a veil by assassins",
    "in a garden dedicated to the growing of deadly plants",
    "quite stiff following a sildenafil overdose",
    "murdered aboard a train stuck in the snow",
    "dead at the hooves of marauding sheep",
    "as compost fertilising the village square’s geraniums",
    "killed by a 12-tone oboe piece",
    "poisoned with hair dye",
    "self-combusted with a pencil in each hand",
    "dead at the bottom of the church tower, wearing a leopard print bikini",
    "sliced paper-thin and published as an avant-garde novel",
    "very well preserved after a stiff drink of embalming fluid",
    "strangled with a motorbike chain",
    "dead in a country pile",
    "flattened by a large bale of hay",
    "run over by a steamroller",
    "cudgeled with a frozen gateau",
    "suffocated by a side of pork",
    "with a Louboutin stiletto through the heart",
    "with the body surrounded by rabbits, including the Black Rabbit of Inlé himself",
    "dead, hanging upside down from a moored yacht’s mast",
    "mauled by an armed bear",
    "trampled by war elephants, retired after their trek across the Alps",
    "overpowered with a tin of shortbread rounds",
    "boiled alive in a glass steriliser",
    "decapitated in a fruit pasteuriser",
    "strapped to a rocket ship and blasted into space",
    "with the innards sucked out by a vacuum juice evaporator",
    "savaged by carp",
    "layered into a hawthorn hedge",
    "dismembered by ducks",
    "with the lower part of the body ruptured",
    "dead after a sabrage ‘accident’",
    "murdered for the princely sum of 13p",
    "crushed by a pallet",
    "sliced into pieces with a bread knife",
    "run over by a motorised bathtub",
    "slowly eaten to death in a vitriol tank",
    "strapped to a Van de Graaff generator and dead from static overload",
    "bowl’d to death with turnips",
    "poisoned by an anthrax-laced IPA",
    "dead, wearing only knickers with ’no parking’ printed on the rear",
    "with the brains carefully removed and replaced with straw",
    "drowned in a canal lock once the water level was lowered",
    "beaten to death with a leg of pork",
    "magnetised to a steel sculpture of Lakshmi Mittal",
    "swinging by the ankles and stuffed with pineapples",
    "dead in a convertible after the automatic car wash finished",
    "efficiently harvested by a combine harvester",
    "electrocuted by a fitbit that had been tampered with",
    "being kept in a room below 21°C/69.8°F",
    "brutally cut down by Britain’s most dangerous lawnmower",
    "murdered in the downstairs hall",
    "drowned in a mug of English breakfast tea",
    "dead in a pit full of cobras",
    "with a note from a mysterious stranger left on the body",
    "flying from the village flagpole",
    "sliced up by a machine that uses a hydraulic press to split large logs into perfect firewood with ease",
    "dead with a can of cheap lager inserted into the rectum",
    "driven to suicide by loudly whispered passive aggressive comments regarding the state of their garden",
    "destroyed by a deathwatch beetle (Xestobium rufovillosum)",
    "dead at a medieval pulpit that’s carved from a single oak",
    "sliced up with secateurs following a garden wall disagreement",
    "inflated on a pair of late 19th century industrial blacksmiths bellows",
    "dead with their privates inexplicably lodged in the vicarage donations box",
    "quite armless erected as the Venus de Milo",
    "squeezed to death",
    "with rigor mortis set in during the kapotasana yoga pose",
    "dead in the miniature village",
    "half-buried upside down",
    "with an outline of the body projected into the night sky like a macabre Bat-signal",
    "converted into binary and uploaded to the Internet",
    "bled to death from twin puncture wounds in the neck from a carving fork",
    "dead following a police chase that ended on a golf course",
    "pummelled by cricket balls",
    "run over by an unusually on-schedule train",
    "murdered using a method taken from an old detective novel",
    "compacted by a rubbish truck",
    "wrapped in toilet roll like an Egyptian mummy",
    "dead after taking insufficiently diluted homeopathic rabid dog saliva",
    "with blood pouring out of every orifice",
    "frozen in an ice cream van",
    "roasting on a rotating spit",
    "drowned in a butt of Malmsey",
    "after a botched attempt to join the castrati",
    "in one of Mrs Lovett’s delicious meat pies",
    "dismembered after coughing in public",
    "crushed beneath a big pile of toilet paper",
    "crushed under a stolen Greek column",
    "shot with a Gatling gun",
    "brutally assaulted by a lab monkey deliberately let loose",
    "pushed out of a third-floor window during a long sermon",
    "stabbed while on the toilet",
    "crushed under a stack of dictionaries",
    "throttled with a mouse cord",
    "strangled with dental floss",
    "cannibalised",
    "dead following a mystic ritual involving the inhalation of psychedelic toad venom",
    "with a javelin through the heart",
    "chopped up and stuffed into a Conga drum",
    "dead in a ditch",
    "dead following a quarrel over apples",
    "pushed off of London Bridge",
    "feloniously slain",
    "permanently socially distanced in extremum",
    "beheaded just like Holofernes was",
    "with blood gushing from a large hole in the chest",
    "dead despite the best efforts of an overworked chakra healer",
    "dead after several internal organs were partially sucked out while sitting on an excessively powerful swimming pool drain",
    "with the body at the bottom of the elevator shaft while the upper portion of the head, severed just above the lower jaw, was found in the elevator",
    "after being ‘exercised’ to death in a public swimming pool",
    "as the victim of the pure sporting capability of an Aston Martin V12 Vantage S",
    "with rubber balls placed expertly in the eye sockets",
    "untimely murdered, with the words from Ecclesiastes 12:8 (NIV) printed on a piece of paper found in the underpants",
    "gently extracted by a cold press juicer",
    "quite lifeless in the Living Museum",
    "par-boiled in brine",
    "with metabolic processes now just history",
    "more bereft of life than an ex-parrot",
    "nailed to a barge",
    "killed in a model village and tied down like Gulliver in Lilliput",
    "staked out with croquet hoops",
    "painted over by a cricket pitch line painting machine",
    "dead from having a rare wine collection hurled at the head by a replica medieval trebuchet",
    "as the life of the party despite being dead several days",
    "with a crushed skull from an empty coke bottle dropped from a light plane",
    "by local police investigating trouble at the mill",
    "murdered at the suggestion of a singing elevator voice",
    "imprisoned in a vast wicker figure with goats and burned alive",
    "flattened in a medieval bookpress",
    "crushed under an unreasonably large pile of books",
    "chained up in a niche in an insufferably damp vault",
    "dead from nicotine poisoning",
    "dead in a puddle of black ooze",
    "killed by a vengeful grimalkin",
    "spread over several hectares of farmland by an agricultural machine",
    "dead in a manner inspired by macabre images on a medieval fresco",
    "crushed to death in a builder’s yard",
    "scratched to death by a touring group of Giant Cats of Dunbar",
    "hunted down then torn to shreds by a pack of robotic dogs",
    "badly ravaged by mower blades",
    "in a pit filled with concrete, with a tin box resting on the top",
    "knocked over by a herd of sheep into a deep quarry",
    "greatly decayed and clotted with gore, standing erect before the eyes of the spectators",
    "in a tank with an octopus named Fred wrapped around the body",
    "crushed to death by apples",
    "dead from the effects of eating too many Easter eggs",
    "drowned at the bottom of the mill pond",
    "shot in the heart at the stroke of midnight",
    "beaten to death with an oak staff",
    "virtually deceased in a pair of oculus rift goggles",
    "naked in a pipe organ surrounded by cheeseburgers",
    "stuffed inside a 16' open wood church organ pipe",
    "in tins of dog food produced at the local knackery",
    "as a stunning new exhibit at the Museum of Human Disease",
    "diced up by a sword bought on eBay (that came with a money back guarantee)",
    "stabbed with a sharpened anal speculum drunkenly purchased on Wish",
    "tied up, salted, then licked to death by a hyponatraemic cow",
    "dead at the back of the hop on hop off tour bus during the weekly cleaning",
    "as an exquisitely scented candle made from human tallow",
    "bludgeoned with a candlestick",
    "forced into a road accident with a lorry",
    "on stage with a slashed throat",
    "dead from heart failure after pills were withheld by the murderer",
    "burnt to death in a caravan",
    "slashed to death in the shower",
    "stabbed in the back with an ornate dagger at cricket match",
    "killed in a manner not specified in the TV guide this was copied from",
    "impaled with a pitchfork",
    "beaten to death with slide projector",
    "strangled with tights",
    "suffocated with a pillow",
    "crushed by a gin-laden drinks cabinet which had been unscrewed from wall",
    "injected with deadly drugs",
    "pushed off of the roof of a stately home",
    "killed by a bomb planted in the greenhouse",
    "caught in an animal trap and shot in head with .22 rifle",
    "bled to death after being stabbed in the thigh with a Roman spear",
    "dead from a blow to head with a railway track tool",
    "thrown naked into a 200-degree sterilizer",
    "crushed against towers of bottled sauce with a forklift truck",
    "decapitated by trip wire whilst on motorcycle",
    "stabbed in heart with chef's knife after having a stroke",
    "hanged from a beam in a barn whilst sedated with barbituates",
    "strangled with the cord from a camera light meter",
    "killed by machine gun fire rigged to activate when the garage door opened",
    "skewered with a giant wooden skewer",
    "pushed into a drier and spun to death",
    "stabbed in the neck with a corkscrew",
    "lacerated with a prehistoric animal skull",
    "drugged with codeine tablets and suffocated with a pillow",
    "knocked unconcious with a knuckleduster then suffocated",
    "with maggots overflowing from the mouth",
    "with brains extruding from a head wound",
    "eviscerated into an offal cart (US patent 3863985)",
    "dead at the hands of a pineapple-slicer-wielding ophthalmologist",
    "dead clutching a stuffed Pekinese called MiMi",
    "strapped to an enormous cheese wheel",
    "stung to death by deliberately enraged bees",
    "bitten to death by a big white cat",
    "drowned in cider",
    "murdered following the annual tic tac toe competition",
    "run down by a car then placed face down in a local lake",
    "strangled and stuffed inside a church bell",
    "decoupaged to a 1950s walnut veneer sideboard",
    "strangled with a scarf",
    "obliterated by a North Korean mini-nuke",
    "drowned in a TV monitor filled with red wine",
    "dropped from an aeroplane",
    "killed in a manner too awful to describe on Twitter even",
    "dead, locked inside a shipping container",
    "pinned to the wall like a butterfly in an entomology display",
    "consumed by a type of deep-sea mouthless worm",
    "squirted with chlorine trifluoride from a super soaker",
    "eaten to death by starving rats forcibly inserted into the anus",
    "stewed in a vat of his own juices",
    "nibbled to death by trained dormice",
    "smothered to death by a shower of gifts of cloaks and hats",
    "smeared with cow manure and eaten by dogs",
    "covered in milk and honey then devoured by insects",
    "murdered with a poisoned toothpick",
    "in pieces in barrels of acid",
    "sawn clean in two",
    "with a knitting needle placed expertly through the carotid artery",
    "cut into pieces with a 14th Century samurai sword",
    "rolled up in a rug and then trampled by horses",
    "dead after drinking wine laced with slug pellets",
    "dead after a visit from a headless horseman",
    "poisoned with the poison dart frog",
    "with the suicide note emailed after the body has already been sighted",
    "poisoned with a type of mushroom known as Destroying Angel",
    "decapitated with a 92cc petrol commercial chainsaw",
    "tightly sewn into a linen sheet soaked in spirits then set alight",
    "lightly roasted with lemon and thyme stuffing",
    "covered with truffle oil and mauled to death by a boar",
    "in the river, weighted down with a tombstone from a local graveyard",
    "pecked to death by owls",
    "murdered during a royal visit at a family owned munitions factory",
    "spirited away into the night, seemingly without explanation",
    "in ashes after a horrendous house fire",
    "drowned at the local swimming baths",
    "dead in the garage of a local public house",
    "suffocated after being covered in processed cheese slices",
    "dead wearing tights on the upper body, a plastic raincoat, and a diving suit",
    "dead after a tragic masturbation ’accident’",
    "impaled on a centuries-old maypole",
    "drowned in a manner eerily reminiscent of an event in local folklore",
    "electrocuted with a sabotaged Theremin",
    "slumped over a historically significant sundial",
    "strangled with the cord of his own metal detector",
    "exsanguinated on an heirloom variety rose bush",
    "in a church vault being opened by local archaeologists",
    "crushed under a fallen piece of stage equipment on the opening night of Macbeth",
    "garroted with a very distinctive set of lute strings",
    "under a tractor that is not his usual tractor",
    "baked into an oversized sponge cake",
    "covered with gold after three years in a lime-filled urn",
    "at the end of a death march",
    "frozen in the last remaining glacier",
    "poisoned with a local variety of toadstool",
    "buried neck-deep in pudding and eaten by Pudding Ants",
    "stuffed inside an 18th century cor anglais",
    "entombed in a large croquembouche",
    "encased in a giant candle",
    "crushed in a dark satanic mill",
    "bored to death by formulaic TV series",
    "dressed like a bride and dead in a bath",
    "stuffed full of nuts by squirrels",
    "shot six times by a man on the run",
    "pushing up genetically modified daisies",
    "sliced up with a compact disk",
    "strangled with a telephone cable",
    "with intestines smeared over the local stone circle",
    "strangled with their own intestines",
    "rubbed out by a giant eraser",
    "with a golden arrow through the heart",
    "smothered in potpourri",
    "set up like a scarecrow",
    "crushed under the world’s biggest scone",
    "dead clutching a book about witchcraft",
    "torn apart by hedgehogs",
    "stuffed full of battenberg",
    "desiccated by magnesium perchlorate",
    "suffocated in a vat of fairy floss",
    "eaten by Cromer crabs",
    "bludgeoned with a croquet mallet",
    "paved into the village thoroughfare",
    "quilted to death"
  ],
  "village": [
    "Rough Riding",
    "Causton",
    "Squirrel Leap",
    "Stratton-on-the-Fosse",
    "Midsomer",
    "Beavers Dune",
    "White Ox Mead",
    "High Littleton",
    "Stratford-under-Avon",
    "Stoats Wold",
    "Little Begging",
    "Midsomer Chancy",
    "Little Coxton",
    "Cockup Upper",
    "Weedon",
    "Bushygap",
    "Shitlingthorpe",
    "South Horton",
    "Watership",
    "Woking",
    "Wookey Hole",
    "Cocklake",
    "Barnstable",
    "Holby",
    "Hyannisports",
    "Burnt Knoll",
    "Giggleswick",
    "Rooks Bridge",
    "Weston-lesser-Mare",
    "Scratchy Bottom",
    "Swarf End",
    "Minge Lane",
    "Nob End",
    "Upton Snodsbury",
    "Wetwang",
    "Bishop’s Itchington",
    "Tunbridge Unwells",
    "Fag End",
    "Angels Rise",
    "Aspern Tallow",
    "Badger’s Drift",
    "Binwell",
    "Bishopwood",
    "Bleakridge",
    "Bow Clayton",
    "Broughton",
    "Burwood Mantle",
    "Calham Cross",
    "Cooper Hill",
    "Devington",
    "Dunstan",
    "Elverton-cum-Latterley",
    "Ferne Basset",
    "Finchmere",
    "Fletcher’s Cross",
    "Ford Florey",
    "Goodman’s Land",
    "Great Auburn",
    "Great Pelfe",
    "Great Worthy",
    "Great Snoring",
    "Gumpton Marsh",
    "Barton in the Beans",
    "Lickfold",
    "Nomansland",
    "Matching Trousers",
    "Nether Wallop",
    "Little Didling",
    "Lower Bucklebury",
    "Haddington",
    "Llanwrtyd in Powys",
    "Little Auburn",
    "Little Crosby",
    "Little Malton",
    "Little Upton",
    "Little Worthy",
    "Lower Crosby",
    "Lower Pampling",
    "Lower Tooting",
    "Lower Warden",
    "Luxton Deeping",
    "Magpie Hollow",
    "Malham Bridge",
    "Malham Cross",
    "March Magna",
    "Marsh Wood",
    "Martyr Warren",
    "Midsomer Abbas",
    "Midsomer Barrow",
    "Midsomer Barton",
    "Midsomer Blighty",
    "Midsomer Chettham",
    "Midsomer Cicely",
    "Midsomer Deverell",
    "Midsomer Florey",
    "Midsomer Herne",
    "Midsomer Holm",
    "Midsomer Hollow",
    "Midsomer Langley",
    "Midsomer Macy",
    "Midsomer Magna",
    "Midsomer Malham",
    "Midsomer Mallow",
    "Midsomer Market",
    "Midsomer-in-the-Marsh",
    "Midsomer Mere",
    "Midsomer Morchard",
    "Midsomer Morton",
    "Midsomer Mow",
    "Midsomer Newton",
    "Midsomer Oaks",
    "Midsomer Parva",
    "Midsomer Pastures",
    "Midsomer Priors",
    "Midsomer Shallows",
    "Midsomer Sonning",
    "Midsomer St. Claire",
    "Midsomer St. Michael",
    "Midsomer Stanton",
    "Midsomer Tor",
    "Midsomer Vertue",
    "Midsomer Vinae",
    "Midsomer Wellow",
    "Midsomer Worthy",
    "Midsomer Wyvern",
    "Milton’s Cross",
    "Monks Barton",
    "Morton Fendle",
    "Morton Shallows",
    "Newton Magna",
    "Pandlefoot Bailey",
    "Shotover & Forest hill",
    "Upper Warden",
    "Whitcombe Mallet",
    "Lower Twatt",
    "Many Crooks",
    "Bight of Spam",
    "Little Ox Eye",
    "Drooping Point"
  ],
  "village_group": [
    "spotted dick baker’s society",
    "ordinand",
    "poached eggs society",
    "hot-under-the-collar climate denialists",
    "cold-hearted meteorologists",
    "strawberry-pickers association",
    "cider appreciation society",
    "medieval reenactment society",
    "community-spirited verger",
    "black-leather-clad digital photographers",
    "newt collector",
    "choir",
    "patron saint",
    "treasurer of the submarine club",
    "army base",
    "chess club",
    "Floral Society",
    "chief medical officer",
    "busloads of out-of-town shoppers",
    "angry old-age pensioner",
    "Provost",
    "Shaft Appreciation Society",
    "Hell’s Angels chapter",
    "manager of Midsomer’s largest banana farm",
    "leader of the local Miners’ Strike re-enactment society",
    "obsessive history buffs",
    "Foreign Legion Post Ladies Auxiliary",
    "retired sunset watchers",
    "mushroom farmer",
    "wealthy industrialist",
    "tech bro",
    "fired organist",
    "fired ceramic artist",
    "vicar’s son, newly returned from university and full of reformist ideas",
    "company of morris dancers",
    "romantically unlucky lumberjack",
    "most notorious, right-wing troll",
    "immigrant",
    "brother-in-law of a nearby widow",
    "cult leader",
    "prodigal son",
    "metal detectorists",
    "Association of Argentine Tango Dancers",
    "owl club",
    "brewer",
    "gourami appreciation society",
    "classic and modified car club",
    "exclusive Fish Finger Society",
    "netball team",
    "funeral directors",
    "scarecrows",
    "mermaid society",
    "rusted on Labour supporter",
    "satanists",
    "not-so-earnest Hemingway society",
    "Oscar Wilde appreciation society",
    "queueing society",
    "duck-call society",
    "chamber of commerce",
    "Midsomer Murders castoffs",
    "amateur drama group",
    "bridge club",
    "Danish seller of Greenland real estate",
    "manager of a local tiger sanctuary",
    "ice cream van driver",
    "candid photographer",
    "D&D-playing gynaecologist",
    "tea leaf reader",
    "microbiologist",
    "barrister",
    "discordant barber-shop quartet",
    "global conglomerate in charge of the Internet",
    "Tae Kwon Do club",
    "Barnaby Appreciation Society",
    "beautiful, but mentally unstable girl",
    "visiting East London gangster",
    "P&C association",
    "dowager",
    "junior school teacher",
    "tapestry weaver",
    "manager of the one-stop council office",
    "barmaid at the Deerstalker and Fife Arms",
    "two strange tattooed children found at the train station",
    "monk who strangely looks like Sir Thomas Malory",
    "shuttlecock appreciation society",
    "circus troupe",
    "black death re-enactment society",
    "caretaker of the local paramilitary training ground",
    "bagpipe club",
    "Audi driver",
    "chapter of the Nicholas Soames Society",
    "ennui society",
    "teabagging aficionados",
    "hideous, dripping spectre",
    "au pair agency",
    "amateur grenade-making society",
    "Communist Party chapter",
    "leader of a local steel band",
    "Cat Sanctuary owner",
    "tweeters who prefer tweets in 140 characters",
    "Brexiteers",
    "chapter of the Ayn Rand society",
    "Mosley appreciation society",
    "Pigeon Fancier Club",
    "pigeon pant makers",
    "infosec community",
    "feminist vicar who runs life art classes",
    "plucky gnome weaver of beribboned lavender wands",
    "teal shaman",
    "golf purity society",
    "resident garden Jay",
    "newly formed Flat Moon society",
    "teenagers wearing hoodies",
    "Mebyon Kernow members",
    "church community",
    "twins",
    "MILF",
    "curate",
    "time travelling teenagers",
    "professional clown guild",
    "Shangri La club owners",
    "daguerreotype club",
    "heavy-handed book publisher",
    "leaf-blower society",
    "green society",
    "Blue Peter fan club",
    "friends of a flamboyant MP in a Saville Row suit",
    "political elite",
    "uptight, bourgeoisie parasites",
    "billiards society",
    "Neighbourhood Watch Alliance",
    "Christopher Lee impersonator",
    "audiologist, One-Eared Brian",
    "nerd",
    "florist",
    "baker",
    "football fans",
    "bowls club",
    "famous magician, Gideon Latimer",
    "pastor",
    "welly wanger team",
    "church warden and magician",
    "misunderstood mailman",
    "real ale appreciation society",
    "brass band",
    "madrigal enthusiasts",
    "trainspotters",
    "ghost hunters society",
    "ghost",
    "middle-aged philosopher",
    "financially-embarrassed aristocrat",
    "neo-Communists obsessed with saving newts",
    "UFO buff",
    "male escort",
    "taxidermists’ club",
    "poacher",
    "witch",
    "New Age commune",
    "hyrlîan team",
    "teen computer hacker",
    "impetuous young heir",
    "scout troop",
    "cosplay society",
    "suspicious out-of-towners",
    "society of Venus watchers",
    "short-wave radio club"
  ],
  "feeling": [
    "upset",
    "angry",
    "deeply concerned",
    "worried",
    "obsessed",
    "confused",
    "frightened"
  ],
  "angry_at" : [
    "Midsomer Murders plots actually written by this bot",
    "the closure of the local cake shop",
    "the old cairn",
    "a new pandemic",
    "failure to wear face masks",
    "massive union mobilisation",
    "guerilla tactics by activist groups",
    "parking restrictions",
    "BBC casting directors",
    "dwindling prospects on the farmer dating scene in the county",
    "inconsistencies in W E Johns’ Biggles books",
    "researchers who don’t understand how much this all means to the village",
    "a proposed zoo",
    "the opening of a new Boston Dynamics testing facility",
    "the imminent increase in postage rates",
    "a lack of concern for Midsomer’s high murder rate",
    "a police-car-fender-eating goat",
    "a decline in tourism",
    "police Freemasonry",
    "another taxi rank in the village",
    "Lionel Blair lookalikes",
    "lowering standards in the soft fruit industry",
    "a botched operation to graft an elbow to an ear",
    "the rising cost of petrol",
    "shady goings on in condiments factories",
    "dangerous liaisons on a croquet lawn",
    "train station closures",
    "urination on garden gnomes",
    "pregnancy testing kits that take minutes to work",
    "systemic university failures",
    "the opening of a McDonald’s store",
    "the decline of the red squirrel population from squirrel pox",
    "modernity itself",
    "the new sugar tax",
    "a high turnover of diving judging board members",
    "a big movie shoot taking place in the town",
    "late capitalism",
    "a proposed change to the local custard recipe",
    "redevelopment on the land of a down-on-his-luck aristocrat",
    "new beekeeping methods",
    "a new library",
    "a new boat ramp",
    "a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe",
    "a growing number of mysterious deaths",
    "the theft of a Burmese bell",
    "rising flood levels",
    "multiculturalism",
    "Pizza Hut orders routed though Midsomer Mallow",
    "a shortage of hand sanitisers",
    "a nearby NATO airbase",
    "a charismatic out-of-towner",
    "Daily Mail readers",
    "a supermarket stockpiler",
    "Cuban music",
    "class warfare writ large",
    "private broadcaster bias",
    "a clash between two rival librarian groups over sorting methods",
    "someone who doesn’t yet know they’re actually the killer’s daughter",
    "conflict between the village church and ancient pagan traditions",
    "musical innovation",
    "the new deer sanctuary",
    "lewd messages daubed in pigs blood inside a Tory peer’s house",
    "privatisation of government services",
    "badly-written antivirus software",
    "doggers",
    "the decline in newspaper reading",
    "poor quality tea",
    "the metric system",
    "the decline in furniture manufacture",
    "a violent sub-culture",
    "meddling ornithologists",
    "sinister clown sightings",
    "a stash of WWII Nazi washing detergent",
    "red signage on a tool shop",
    "petty threats",
    "equestrian tourism",
    "badger culling",
    "the end of local tobacco production",
    "local witchcraft practices",
    "the ghost walk",
    "long queues",
    "watered-down vodka",
    "cryptocurrencies",
    "clichéd TV shows",
    "charity drinking games of pub locals",
    "aliens",
    "the closure of the arts and crafts gallery",
    "a new detective series on television",
    "a museum dedicated to an obscure local poet",
    "owls",
    "a vicar’s choir banquet",
    "redevelopment and/or radical Islam",
    "a plan to sell off the mansion",
    "a forthcoming eclipse",
    "type-casting in otherwise stellar TV careers",
    "the resurgence of vinyl LPs",
    "Japanese knotweed",
    "a controversial judging decision in the Midsomer Pig Show",
    "climate change",
    "a new wind farm",
    "scrap metal merchants",
    "unseen pigs",
    "midnight rituals",
    "a Brexit recount",
    "a village fête to raise money for the new church roof",
    "long-held grudges in the local arts and crafts community",
    "crows stealing and moving balls on the 15th hole",
    "a new housing estate",
    "housing development in the woods",
    "James T. Kirk lookalikes",
    "lederhosen",
    "dinner parties",
    "historical documents in rubber bands",
    "a giant, runaway inflatable duck",
    "competition for parking spaces in Sainsbury’s",
    "a commercial tea shop",
    "the village's new bell-ringing team",
    "interference by the House of Lords",
    "the fall of the Roman Empire",
    "dead shrubbery",
    "a plan to steal valuable goshawk eggs",
    "the discovery of a valuable musical manuscript sold cheaply at an auction",
    "pig farm effluent",
    "hacked video cameras",
    "antimatter leaking into the nearby reservoir",
    "the rise of artificial intelligence",
    "a hacked driverless car",
    "efforts to curb industrial pollution in the town",
    "a busload of Daleks",
    "all-encompassing whiteness",
    "an increase in noise pollution",
    "sex-toy anarchists",
    "remote learning",
    "changes to the mix of botanicals in the local gin",
    "the cultural and economic hegemony of Causton",
    "Dutch Elm Disease",
    "watered down beer",
    "the sale of dogs online",
    "errors in the Yomping Association Almanac",
    "Latter-Day postwomen",
    "cheap imitation Daily Mail vouchers",
    "an alarming decline of peat bogs",
    "the rise of Diarmuid Gavin-style landscaped gardens, with their fire pits and their tightly fenced perimeters,",
    "fake news",
    "the disappearance of 35 million British hedgehogs",
    "problems with the village’s wifi connectivity",
    "a missing codex",
    "chickens eating their own eggs (as captured on CCTV)",
    "DIY genetic testing",
    "a ban on cheese toasties",
    "the annual papadum eating competition",
    "the local date night",
    "the town’s surplus steak and kidney puddings",
    "marmalade",
    "an influx of Norman nobility",
    "low vitamin D levels in vampires",
    "a growing number of people who can read and think clearly",
    "a tarot reading using an ancient deck of tarot cards",
    "a disturbingly high Gini coefficient",
    "the opening of an Aldi store",
    "real estate agents",
    "the opening of a high-end wine bar",
    "a rogue peacock",
    "previously secret vice-regal communications",
    "new vernacular",
    "a missing Masonic ring",
    "a bitter feud between local academics",
    "the arrival of a touring pantomime",
    "a planned biography of a deceased local identity"
  ],
  "threatened": [
    "to reveal that every edition of Köchel’s catalogue is badly wrong",
    "the production of gay porn",
    "the decoration of bespoke bridal cakes",
    "realistic prospects of avoiding human-society-ending climate change",
    "an unkempt barrister’s hedgerow",
    "quacks in the supply chain of toy duck tea infusers",
    "to disturb a wall of giant snails having nonstop sex",
    "an eel invasion",
    "to reveal the existence of the Society of Elite Librarians",
    "local power structures",
    "the annual cheese festival",
    "to end the National Health Service",
    "to upset their plans for world domination",
    "the closure of Midsomer’s largest artificial ski slope",
    "rambling rights",
    "the pumpkin carving contest that we're only now hearing about for the first time",
    "the Midsomer Luxury Villas",
    "the closure of the Auburn Echo Village",
    "to expose the church’s historical manuscript as a forgery",
    "to overshadow the sheepdog trials",
    "the town’s largely potpourri-based economy",
    "to destabilise Midsomer’s fragile economy",
    "to block harbour views",
    "bidet sales",
    "an overdue change of government",
    "common decency",
    "societal collapse",
    "the closure of Midsomer’s borders",
    "the world’s Bog snorkelling championship",
    "centuries of ultimately pointless tradition",
    "the closure of the miniature village",
    "what little sexual tension the town has left",
    "a legendary Anglo-Saxon treasure hoard",
    "the second coming of Cliff Richard",
    "over-moisturised octogenarians",
    "unconventional relationships",
    "the village’s unbroken winning streak at the county honey fair",
    "to dredge up events from twenty-five years ago",
    "lace doily production levels",
    "the Midsomer space programme",
    "to force the local diamond mine to close",
    "the local deer sanctuary",
    "to ruin the pub",
    "repeats of Countdown",
    "gin production",
    "the end of floor malting",
    "to alter the parish boundaries",
    "to call a detective cat out of retirement",
    "badgers",
    "the closure of Midsomer's last brewery",
    "to reveal that the moon is not made of cheese",
    "the very future of right wing politics",
    "the Museum of English Rural Life",
    "to start a Marxist revolution across Midsomer",
    "to make the sun set on the British Empire",
    "England’s green and pleasant land",
    "the future of Morris Dancing",
    "the very future of liberalism",
    "the future of the Labour Party",
    "the village’s Paintings of Fences & Sheep competition",
    "the very survival of England",
    "to expose the importune dealings of the vicar and an actress in the local herbarium",
    "the village fabric",
    "a complete meltdown of the comments section",
    "the high street streetscape",
    "Causton’s chances at winning the Village of the Year award",
    "the old inn",
    "a dark tern of events",
    "the cow farm",
    "to awaken the giant baby that came before good and evil, being and non-being",
    "to reveal Amethyst Realm’s 20 ghost lovers to her husband",
    "near-lethal levels of tweeness",
    "the Barnabys’ marriage",
    "the United Kingdom’s competitiveness at Eurovision",
    "to expose Twitter as just a planetary-scale panopticon",
    "an annual cricket match that everyone really cares about for some reason",
    "crop circles",
    "the local community orchestra",
    "the end of privacy online",
    "the village Quiet Space",
    "the trout pond",
    "to destroy the boarding school’s secret society",
    "otters",
    "meaningful contact with alien intelligences massing over Causton",
    "constructive political dialogue",
    "the return of the Microsoft Office paperclip",
    "a cursed were rabbit",
    "too many broken hearts in the world",
    "the appointment of a US-style 'Special Counsel' to investigate Barnaby's shortcomings",
    "a huge annual event in Midsomer that we’re nonetheless only hearing about for the first time",
    "a nearby grotto associated with a medieval saint",
    "to set off unexploded bombs from WWII",
    "caravaning",
    "nuclear annihilation",
    "to ruin their sleepy town",
    "a reboot of Blake’s 7",
    "the Marvel Cinematic Universe",
    "to close the 160-year-old mustard factory",
    "pizza deliveries",
    "folk music in Midsomer County",
    "the possibility of Victorian civilization being re-established following Brexit",
    "Brexit negotiations concerning the memory of Len Goodman",
    "Donald Trump Jr's sponsorship of Craig Revell-Horwood's rescue dog",
    "to devastate local crops and woodland",
    "Midsomer’s alkali industry",
    "the opening of a chemical industry museum",
    "local hedge maze bylaws",
    "the great bake off",
    "to reveal the secret affairs of the local vicar",
    "to call Cthulhu from the depths",
    "the end of the Internet’s most popular bot",
    "the winery",
    "the rabbit show",
    "plots from this bot that actually make sense",
    "the coldest winter Midsomer’s ever seen",
    "to expose a web of sex, blackmail and lies",
    "duffle coat production",
    "drone deliveries",
    "the closure of the local discotheque",
    "the biggest and most beautiful wisteria in the country",
    "the local co-op",
    "the planned civic centre",
    "to unleash the four horsemen of the apocalypse",
    "to turn a slightly neurotic Sykes into a savage killer terrier",
    "a rare plant found on the cricket pitch",
    "Geoff, the last surviving resident of Midsomer",
    "to make history repeat itself",
    "workplace Anglo-Saxon literacy",
    "deliveries of organic vegetables",
    "Midsomer’s anomalous murder rate",
    "to make cows think things that normal cows don’t think",
    "traffic chaos in Causton",
    "the end of the Oxford English Dictionary",
    "to reveal that Joyce Barnaby is the serial killer",
    "to explain what ‘devil’s triangle’ really means",
    "to expose a secret network of WWII tunnels under Causton",
    "to unravel a sinister web of lies from past and present",
    "a dystopian police state",
    "the medieval false teeth society",
    "the sacred oak",
    "to chop down the millenia-old yew tree",
    "to permanently close the entrance to Álfheimr",
    "the closure of the woad mill",
    "the lace tatting competition",
    "the pheasant hunt",
    "trout fishing",
    "art supplies",
    "to ruin Joyce Barnaby’s casserole from one of Delia’s cookbooks",
    "to alter the pudding recipe",
    "to reduce the population of Midsomer to a vicar and six pig farmers",
    "the annual pickled onion eating competition",
    "the tupperware factory",
    "the merengue marathon",
    "the weightlifting regime of local ministers",
    "to bring forward the date of the coming goat apocalypse",
    "the collapse of the local stone circle",
    "to reveal the name of Dr Who",
    "craft beer",
    "the world ending with a whimper rather than a bang",
    "the heat death of the Universe",
    "the formation of motorcycle gangs",
    "the local Rusty Nail-and-Hook festival",
    "to publish spoilers for an upcoming episode of Eastenders",
    "guided tours of the local abattoir",
    "the closure of the pork futures warehouse",
    "supplies of “grow it big” cream",
    "to make all the clocks in the city begin to whirr and chime",
    "to make the village do the time warp again",
    "Europe’s most radical meat-based marketing board",
    "the haggis eating competition",
    "old-fashioned family partnerships",
    "to interrupt the Miss Potato and Lamb judging",
    "to tell the vicar who his parents really are",
    "to burn every catalogue of London’s inter-dimensional gateways",
    "the closure of a celebrity-run surgery",
    "more graveyard sex",
    "a drop in bowls club membership",
    "the rains down in Africa",
    "to disturb an intricate sand mandala",
    "to reveal the secrets to books’ past lives",
    "to reveal what happened to the pig’s head centrepiece",
    "to disrupt pagan customs during the forthcoming Autumn equinox",
    "DCI Barnaby’s future as a detective",
    "to summon the Devil himself",
    "the last witch this side of Hadrian's Wall",
    "the upcoming librarian wine drinking festival",
    "the sort of people who dress up as dogs in their spare time",
    "the closure of the overused cemetary",
    "a new financial crisis",
    "to send the olympic diving team into a spin",
    "to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up",
    "to make the apple crop only yield fighting cider",
    "the Magic Old Tennis Court",
    "a farting controversy at the darts competition",
    "the annual remembrance of the monk massacre",
    "TV reception during the World Cup",
    "the Tower of London ravens",
    "16 more murders",
    "supplies of aromatic candles shaped like male genitalia",
    "the centuries-old maypole tradition",
    "the Antiques Roadshow",
    "supplies of English breakfast tea",
    "more first world problems",
    "to reveal that the postman’s visits to housewives are more about male intimacy than mail intimacy",
    "to turn England into a nation of coffee drinkers",
    "a sticky end to Causton’s jam festival",
    "to reveal that up to 20% of art in British museums is fake",
    "control of the Midsomer photography contest",
    "to interrupt Causton’s Christmas Lights switch-on",
    "the lighthouse collage exhibition",
    "plans for a 24 hr murder mystery channel",
    "the closure of the local dance hall",
    "to cover a Tory MP’s wife’s Land Rover with graffiti",
    "fixed-odds betting terminals",
    "England's tea appreciation society",
    "to reveal that Midsomer is not actually a real place",
    "Aardman Animations, Ltd",
    "the local manor",
    "reruns of Are You Being Served",
    "orderly queueing",
    "cats",
    "supplies of scones",
    "supplies of toilet paper",
    "to irrevocably alter the outcome of Brexit",
    "the end of @TheEconomist",
    "to inform the Daily Fail that cancel culture is just criticism",
    "royal visits to the local Pizza Express",
    "fascists",
    "the local embroidery club",
    "to delay the rise of the Great Old Ones",
    "to expose the entire Universe as just a giant trick of the light",
    "to reveal long-suppressed family secrets",
    "recycling of plots by British crime show writers",
    "unicorn conservation plans",
    "the annual Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling Race",
    "supplies of Cornish pasties",
    "to disrupt filming of a movie about the French Revolution",
    "the traditional annual race at an exclusive public school",
    "to end the price fixing scheme of the local florists",
    "to reveal that due to an off-by-one error, the meaning of life is actually 43",
    "to expose a conservative councillor’s ownership of a brothel",
    "an untimely end to the lovely @GardensBritish bot",
    "dairy yield",
    "the village’s remaining sourdough starter",
    "the supply of artisanal chocolate",
    "agricultural exhibitions in the country",
    "the Dogwalkers' Guild's annual buffing spree",
    "a further nine seasons of this nonsense"
  ]
}